if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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