the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it was like his penis was on wheels.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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