I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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