I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
