you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
