Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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