I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
