fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
