you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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