Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
