ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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