there was a trapeze. enough said
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
