I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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