i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
