he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
