i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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