I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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