It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you never un-have a 4some
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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