i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
