My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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