just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
