can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
