You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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