This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
