i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
