I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you had me at cake vodka
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize