Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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