do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
