Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
