Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
