Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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