Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
