I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
