i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
