I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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