im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
