the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
