i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
