fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
