someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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