and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
