Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You've changed since you got that strap on
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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