Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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