I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
