You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
