I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
