You made me cry and you don't even care
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
