'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
