so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
