you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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