I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I need to align my fucking chakras
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
