I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
