a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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