God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
