Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He passed out mid-signature
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
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Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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