u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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