you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My dick has a subreddit
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
