dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
