i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
