pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
NoShamevember. You game?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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