he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
