I want to make a zoo with you.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
