I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
