just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
