Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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