ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
